A Touch of Moonlight (A Court of Moonlight Book 1) Page 23

  He didn’t know what to say or do. This wasn’t something he could just make better, but it wasn’t just going to go away either. He wanted to hold her but wasn’t sure how she’d react. There seemed to be a barrier between them, a line he couldn’t quite cross.

  Tears streaking her face, Rina didn’t seem ready to leave just yet. So he spun and settled down beside her and held his breath. She wavered before leaning into his shoulder. The mating bond flared between them and he did his best to push love down the bond, hoping to tell her she wasn’t alone in a way that words just wouldn’t quite do.

  Her feather light touch tickled as she slid her hand in his and ran her thumb over his forefinger. Both of their hands were calloused, his from years of training and gardening, hers from everything else. He wanted to know the story behind each and every one of her scars. Wanted to know everything, the good and the bad.

  “We should head back. They’ll worry.”

  “All right.” Fen glanced at her knife and Rina stiffened as he stood. The knife took a fair bit more effort to wiggle free of the tree than he expected and by the time he turned around, Rina was staring at the offending object warily.

  “You shouldn’t throw something like this away. You may want it again someday.” Fen held it out to her.

  “No. Give it to Rengard or someone else. It’s only tied to bad memories, not good ones.”

  “Are you sure? If you ever change your mind, it’s yours.”

  “If I ever want it, don’t let me have it.” Rina stood and paused before stepping out of the glade. “Not unless everyone else is dead.”

  She turned then and headed back for the house. Fen watched her go, a sinking feeling forming in his gut as he turned his gaze to the blade. He stared at it, memorizing its rudimentary shape—the score marks where rust had been scraped from it, the nicks in the blade, its cracked wood handle. He wanted to be able to recognize it at a glance if Rina ever had it again.

  There was a flash of light as Rengard stepped out of the brush. “Would you,” Fen swallowed, “hold on to this for Rina?”

  “Are you sure?”

  “She recommended you and I don’t want to risk having it at the house.”

  Nodding, Rengard slipped the knife into his bracer and shifted before he sprinted into the trees, leaving Fen to jog after Rina. He didn’t know what the future would hold for them, all he could do was hope that whatever fate threw at them, Rina would never need to ask for that knife.

  45

  Rina

  She couldn’t believe she had actually thrown her knife away. It had been her one piece of protection for so long that she felt bare without it. She’d have to use sharpened stones to carve a new bow and field dress animals if she left now. The thought almost made her go ask Rengard for it back. As much as she hated to carry that blade and what it reminded her of, it was a tool that had made her life intrinsically easier. Now she was left to hope she didn’t regret her decision.

  As they neared the house, Rina pushed thoughts of her knife away. There were other more important things to do. First on her list, making things right with the others.

  “Fen, may I have a moment alone with Dorn?”

  Fen nodded and held the back door open for her. “I’ll wait out here.”

  “Thank you.” She made herself meet his gaze. He hadn’t said anything when he’d spotted the knife. Instead, he had just sat beside her. That had been enough. His worry and fear had made her think of how she had felt when she’d found Tomilin with the knife to his throat, how she’d had to wrestle it from him. She’d been tempted to throw it away then, but she’d needed it. It took so much longer to cut things with sharpened rocks that she hadn’t been able to get rid of it.

  Pulling her gaze away, she headed inside. The soft click of the door latch snapping into place followed her down the hall, the silence of the house suddenly deafening. A house that had once felt content to be silent now felt strained.

  Dorn paced by the window in the sitting room, the furniture and pillows already put back in place. His tight expression and the tension in his shoulders and back were the only signs that anything had happened.

  “Dorn?” she asked.

  He turned to her and both of them said, “I’m sorry,” at once.

  “No.” She frowned. “You’ve only been trying to help. I shouldn’t have lashed out like that. Shouldn’t have taken things out on you.”

  Releasing a long breath, Dorn pulled her into a hug. He trembled slightly as he held her, so she hugged him a little tighter, her cheek resting on his shoulder as she closed her eyes. I’m sorry, she thought again and again. He still blocked her out, keeping her from the emotions he was struggling with. He was hugging her though, at least that was something.

  It wasn’t until he stopped trembling that he spoke. “It’s all right. We’re all a little… tense right now. Are you all right?”

  Rina let out a long breath and sank back in the couch cushions. “I’m going to have more of these, aren’t I?”

  Dorn nodded. “They’re likely to get worse before they get better. I know this is a lot to take in. I think it might be best for you to work with a professional who can help you with the emotional turmoil of all this. I can call some old friends of mine if you would rather work with someone other than me. It can be difficult to work through things with family.”

  Rina studied Dorn, how his gaze shifted from her to the place she had fallen. A crack had formed in his emotional shield and she probed the emotions spilling out. He was torn between want and fear, but she couldn’t tell if he feared her wanting to work with someone else or if he was scared of working with her. She stared at her scarred hands as she debated how to tell him she didn’t care who she worked with, so long as she could put all this behind her. Didn’t care except that she didn’t want to hurt him, or any of them. “I’d be willing to work with someone else if this is something that would strain ours—or your and Arlen’s, relationship. If this person is someone you trust, I’ll trust them too. Just… talk with Arlen before you decide.”

  Dorn nodded and Rina yawned as she leaned into his side. “You know, no one would blame you if you wanted to go lie down for a bit.”

  “Fen is waiting for me on the back deck.”

  “He’ll understand if you need to rest.”

  “No.” Rina sighed and rubbed a hand over her eyes, as though that would stave off her exhaustion. It didn’t work, if anything it only reminded her that everything ached. “I have a meeting with two lords and I know nothing.” Gut twisting at the thought, she pushed to her feet before Dorn could protest. She couldn’t just be with her own thoughts or the fear nipping at her heels would get its claws into her.

  46

  Rina

  Stepping out onto the back porch, she found Farin lounging with Fen in chairs that had not been there before. When Farin glanced at her, he smiled. Inky black formed beside him a moment before his hand plunged into it and pulled a third chair into existence. The chair slid on its own accord to Fen’s side.

  “Please, sit with us,” Farin said.

  “How did you…” She glanced at where he’d pulled the chair from thin air.

  “It’s like shadow walking, minus the walking.” Fen adjusted the seat so it was flush against his before holding an arm out for her. She glanced at the armless cushioned chair before accepting his invitation to snuggle into his side. Some of the tension in her body faded as she leaned into his side.

  “We don’t have to fully enter the other plane if what we need is close enough and we know its exact location,” Farin explained. “Speaking of magic, tomorrow I want you to work on summoning light. You don’t have to be able to do anything with it yet, but being able to show Lord Engar and Lord Airin would be helpful.”

  “What if I can’t?”

  “Then they’ll be working off our word and that of rumors. Though I’ve heard that air benders are able to sense magic better than even fire magic, so Lord Airin may be able to recogn
ize your magic without you actually summoning light. That said, I would rather leave as little as possible to chance.”

  “Speaking of chance, have you figured out if it will hurt or help us?” Fen asked, nodding toward her.

  “If what will hurt or help?” Rina looked between Fen and his father.

  “That you two are mates, even if undecided. The other lords will be hoping your mate is one of their sons. Or that you’d marry one of them.”

  “Ah. Why would that matter?”

  “Because whoever you marry would be the king. Not all fae find their mate so marriage without being mates is commonly accepted, though for a ruler it must be approved by at least half the board. For one of their heirs to become king would be a big power move for them.”

  “What about mates?”

  Farin tilted his head this way and that. “Mates can be refused, but every single member of the board has to vote against them. Trying to force mates apart can be catastrophic, especially with fae as powerful as the royal line. It has to be their choice to sever the bond and even then it is rough.”

  Rina mulled that information over. No one had mentioned any repercussions to the bond, or at least not so clearly. “So, why wouldn’t we just tell them?”

  “Because the moment we announce that Fen is your mate, he will have a target on his back. If he is out of the picture, someone else could still claim the spot as your husband.”

  “What about the prophecy? Won’t they figure it out?” Rina asked. It didn’t seem wise to lie when the truth would come out sooner or later.

  “I agree with Rina,” Fen said.

  “Then we won’t keep it from them. Now,” Farin draped his arm over the back of the chair, “this meeting will be fairly informal, but we’ll still have to put on the typical show. It will just be Lord Airin, Lord Engar, and a few of their guards. They’ve already been given a briefing, so they know what to expect. We’ll meet with them in our throne room and if things go well I’ll move with them into my office. Rina, they’re going to grill you over your past so I need you to be prepared for that. After the meeting is done, you’re more than welcome to any of our rooms if you need time to yourself. Rengard and Kender have volunteered to be your personal guards. Fen, no shadow walking off without them.”

  Fen sighed. “Fine, we’ll take the stairs.”

  “Any questions, Rina?”

  Stifling a yawn, Rina shook her head. She knew she should have questions, but she was too tired to think of them right now.

  “If you think of something, don’t be afraid to come find me. My door is always open to you.” His gaze slid to Fen. “I ordered dinner from town, so feel free to stay out here and relax. I’ll let you know when it gets here.” Farin shifted and leapt off the deck. His plush black tail seemed to say bye as he took off into the woods, angling toward the front of the house.

  Rina sat there for a long moment, trying to take it all in. Apparently she had magic practice the next day, if exhaustion didn’t make her completely useless. The arm around her shoulders held her a little tighter and she leaned into Fen just a tiny bit more, hoping to steal just a bit of his strength for the coming days.

  47

  Rina

  The next morning, Rina sat cross legged in the middle of the training field facing Fen. He swayed from side to side, his nerves making her own worse. “Spill it, what is bothering you?”

  Fen blinked and raked a hand through his hair. “Nothing, I just have no clue of what I’m doing. I’ve never taught anyone magic before.”

  Huffing a laugh, Rina rested her palms on the grass behind her so she could lean back. “Well I’ve never learned before, so I think that makes us even. Besides, I’m an expert at muddling through things until something sticks. Should have seen me attempting to make a bow when I was little—it was a mess, but I figured it out eventually.”

  Fen exhaled and his nerves eased with it. “All right, so, you know the magic that allows you to shift?”

  Rina nodded.

  “Your light magic should feel like a more powerful, brighter version of that somewhere within you. Unlike when you shift, you don’t want to pull out a bunch of magic at once, just a tiny thread.” His head tilted back and forth. “Think of it as plucking a single hair from a hide. You’ll want to focus the hair of magic over there,” Fen pointed to a spot across the field from them.”

  “Why over there?”

  “It's far enough away I can shield us if it gets out of control.”

  “Uh.” Now it was her turn to be nervous.

  “Don’t worry, the worst thing that would happen is that you'd burn our clothes. Mates are immune to their mate’s magic, physical attacks at least. So unless you are really focusing on hurting me, you have nothing to worry about.”

  “What about—” she glanced toward the house.

  “There is a reason the training field is on this side of the hill and why my father isn’t teaching you. The others will probably join in once you get the hang of pulling out a small thread, but just in case, everyone is giving us some space this morning.”

  “All right.” Rina twisted her lips to the side as she searched herself for the kernel of magic that like her shifter magic, but not her shifter magic. She tried to recall what she did when she attacked Trazar, problem was all she could think about was her rage at seeing him hurt the others.

  “That won’t help. Rage and anger is only a crutch, magic works best from a place of serenity. That’s what most warriors spend years learning, the magic is easy, controlling your emotions is the hard part. It's also why trained projectors have such big effects in battles.”

  “Serenity?”

  “Think of calm quiet moments, like last night when we sat on the back porch.”

  Closing her eyes, Rina sucked in a deep breath and summoned every quiet, peaceful detail of the night before that she could as she exhaled. The way the sky changed to soft shades of pink and orange and gleamed off the pond’s surface. How it felt to just sit with Fen rather than have to do something.

  When she had some semblance of serenity, she reached for her magic. The magic that let her shift responded. Her lips twisted to the side as she pushed it to the side. Reaching a little further, her breath caught as light welled up within her, filling her.

  “Uh, Rina. A hair, remember.”

  Something sizzled and the smell of burnt grass reached her nose as she scrambled to push her magic down. It was everywhere though, even her fingers tingled with it. Just a hair. Just a hair. The words were a chant in her head as she willed the magic back from whence it came. Something in her snapped like the cracking of a falling tree and everything went dark. She flinched as her magic recoiled leaving her empty and hollow.

  Across from her, Fen cleared his throat and she finally dared to open her eyes. His gaze was roaming all over her and she got the distinct feeling that he was both checking her for injuries and trying to gather his thoughts. “You All right?”

  “Fine. Try again?” Rina asked.

  “Yes, but don’t let the magic take over like that. Sometimes I find whispering to my magic what I want it to do helps. When I was little I whispered out loud, now I just do it in my head.”

  Rina cocked her head. “All right.” She closed her eyes and did her best to find some form of peace as she reached for that blindingly white well of magic. As she neared it, she paused, feeling something else stirring within her. The magic was not purely white and light, but also the absence of both. Cocking her head, she began whispering to it as she willed it to do as she asked. “Just a kernel of light.” The magic hummed and purred in response, skittering over her skin before accepting her will.

  “That’s it.”

  She opened in her eyes and just as joy over the success welled, her magic lept. The speck of light about the size of her palm flared before splintering. A deafening boom sounded and pain lanced through her ribs as she was thrown to the side a second before darkness cocooned them. Rina cursed under her breath and
Fen’s breathy laughter warmed her insides.

  “Well,” Fen huffed as the shadows faded. “That went surprisingly well.”

  “Well?”

  Fen nodded as he rolled to his back, a grin lighting up his face that she couldn’t help but answer with a smile of her own. “Father was betting you’d break at least half the trees lining the field your first attempt, looks like you only knocked a few dead limbs loose.”

  Rina huffed. “Some faith he has in me.”

  Fen rolled back to his side, his head propped up on a fist. “Rina, our well of magic deepens as we grow. It allows us to learn to control it over time. The fact that you didn’t get that puts you at a disadvantage.”

  “Why does it feel like my magic was choosing what to do rather than me?”

  Fen licked his lips. “Our magic is a part of us yet separate. It’s kind of like…” Fen sighed. “I don’t know how to explain this to you. Uh. Hm. If you care for and use it, it will listen to you. If you lock it up and neglect it, it will use you. Yet it will act to protect you. When you first reached for it, it leapt at the chance to be free.”

  “So it has a mind of its own?”

  “Eh. No, it's still an extension of you. Think of it like fidgeting, you might not outright be telling your fingers to flex at your side, but they do it anyway. Or breathing, you can consciously control it to a point, but eventually your body will force you to breathe.”

  Cocking her head, Rina nodded. That sort of made sense—maybe. She’d have to think on that more later, for now she needed to be able to demonstrate some semblance of control for the lords. She could worry about the logistics of it later. “Ready for me to try again?”

  Fen’s lips turned into a slight smile. “I’ll always be ready.”

  Rina huffed, then crooked a mental finger at her magic. She didn’t break eye contact with Fen as a spark of light reflected in his eyes a moment before the ball of light splintered again. Shadows leapt out of Fen to pounce on her magic, only to cuddle up to it. It made her light still, then flutter with warmth.