A Touch of Moonlight (A Court of Moonlight Book 1) Page 18

  “He killed her, didn’t he?” Rina dreaded the answer, yet it seemed like Dorn needed to talk about it.

  “Yes, I was a toddler when it happened.” Dorn blew out a breath and shook his head. “But that was a very long time ago.”

  “Time only dulls the pain, it doesn’t wash it away.”

  “That it does, but it’s important to think of the here and now, and the future. You don’t have to decide what you want right now. Fen already knows that you’ll need time. That said, spending time with him might help you decide. Just try not to break his heart if you’re not ready for a relationship.”

  “And what if I’m never ready for that?”

  “Then he’ll have to learn to live with it, though I have a feeling he’ll want to be there for you no matter what.”

  The idea that Fen would just throw his life away to be there for her made her head worse. I’m not worth that. I haven’t earned that sort of loyalty and devotion. I don’t deserve it. The entire idea of it made her want to fidget and pace. But her head wouldn’t stop throbbing, so she curled up and held her head in her hands. She didn’t know what she wanted or what to do, and her head hurt so much that she couldn’t think straight. She needed it to stop.

  “Rina?” Dorn’s hand rested on her shoulder. “Do I need to get Wafren to come back?”

  “No. I just can’t think straight and the throbbing in my head isn’t helping.”

  “All right. Did the tea seem to help this morning?”

  “A little,” she admitted.

  “I can make you some more if you like.”

  “Please?”

  “Do you think you’ll be all right by yourself for a few?”

  “Yes,” she whispered, catching herself before she could nod. A cold spot lingered where Dorn’s hand had been as he left and suddenly she longed for Fen to be there with her.

  32

  Fen

  Fen passed Dorn in the kitchen, but he knew, even before he looked that Rina wasn’t there. He was drawn to her like a bee to a flower. She was in pain and he knew it. He had been throwing knives when her emotions turned from anger and confusion to frustration. Her frustration burned through him so hot that he threw his knife clear through the target and he hadn’t been able to help the darkness that leached out of him.

  It wasn’t until he’d realized Rina was using her frustration to hide her pain that he was able to let that darkness ebb. He hadn’t used his powers around her yet and this wasn’t the time to start. He didn’t know what he could do to help, but he needed to try. He had to try because he wasn’t sure where her emotions ended and his began.

  The door to Dorn and Arlen’s sitting room was open and his heart dropped to his stomach at the sight of Rina curled up on the couch with her head in her hands. She was propped up against a mound of Dorn’s pillows, half lying against them. Her hair hid her face, her head bowed to the point her forehead nearly touched her knees. Worry, guilt, and frustration pulsed off her like the undampened power of a lord.

  “Rina?” Fen cautiously sat beside her and hoped she wouldn’t turn him away.

  “Hey, Fen,” she whispered and rubbed her temples once more before sitting up.

  Her frustration melted away into a hollowness that made his soul ache. An undercurrent of pain still laced her emotions and grated on his nerves. It made him want to rip Trazar’s head off for hurting her, but he didn’t let himself feel that rage because it would only make things worse.

  “You know, you don’t need to fake being all right for my sake, right?”

  “I know.” She let out a long sigh. “Sorry if I interrupted something.”

  “No. I was getting bored of throwing knives anyways. It’s not much fun by yourself.”

  “Still.”

  “Rina, I—” he broke off, not really sure where he was going with that. He couldn’t tell her what he thought, that no matter what he would drop whatever he was doing if she needed him.

  “Fen, I know that we’re mates, but…” she trailed off and her hands clenched and unclenched the slightest bit, the motion matched the ebb and flow of her frustration.

  “It’s all right.” Fen took her hands in his to still them, to comfort her. “I understand if you’re not ready for a mate. Just… give me a chance to be here for you, please.” His voice cracked and he knew it sounded like a desperate plea, but he didn’t care. He needed her to let him in, let him help. He didn’t know how he could help, but he had to try.

  Dorn entered with three cups of tea and Fen was thankful he didn’t bat an eye at them holding hands. “I thought I felt you go by.” Dorn met his gaze. “Here.”

  Rina’s hands left his as she took the cup from Dorn. When she sat back, she sat a little closer to him, close enough that he could feel her warmth beside him. He wanted to wrap an arm around her, to pull her close and comfort her, but he settled for sitting near her as Dorn handed him a cup of tea.

  The scent of their teas were different, his was just peppermint, but hers was something else. He sniffed the air. Yes, that was a wintergreen and apple smell. That would make hers a mix of willow bark and maybe chamomile tea. At least that explained why Dorn made tea in the middle of the day, he was trying to ease Rina’s headache.

  “Thank you,” Rina whispered, as though the sound of her own voice hurt her head.

  “You’re welcome,” Dorn said. “Are you sure you don’t want me to get Wafren?”

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine.”

  “All right. Well, if you don’t mind Fen sitting with you, I think I’ll cook dinner tonight.”

  Rina gave a faint hint of a smile and her gaze finally met Dorn’s. “You’re not so subtle with that hint, Dorn. But yeah, go ahead.”

  “Let me know if you need me.”

  “Will do,” Rina whispered and took another sip of the tea.

  Dorn gave Fen a warning look that Fen knew was a warning not to try his luck, as though he needed one. He knew a lot of fae males became a rutting mess when they found their mate, but he wasn’t one of them. All he wanted to do was hold Rina and tell her it would be all right, and he wouldn’t even do that unless Rina asked. Still, he nodded his acknowledgement of the warning and Dorn left, taking the tray and last cup of tea with him.

  They sat in silence for a while and Rina’s pain seemed to be less now as the edge in her projection softened. He wanted to talk or do something, but he didn’t know about what. He glanced around the room. The only thing he came up with was the worn book on the table before them, it’s leather cover faintly familiar. He picked it up and flipped it over to find the front title worn off. He could feel Rina staring at it, her body tensing like she may reach for it.

  “This was Lyra’s, wasn’t it?” he asked and handed the book to her.

  She nearly spilled her tea as she hugged the book to her chest as though someone might take it from her. “Yes. Arlen found it in the glade before I could retrieve it after mother died. Dorn gave it to me earlier.”

  “I could read it to you if you like.”

  “No.” She held the book a little tighter before she added, a little softer, “I want to read it myself.”

  Fen understood. He was that way with some of the things he’d been given that were his mothers. His favorite was the silver star pendent with a sapphire stone that he hadn’t taken off in years. The objects were a connection to a loved one they’d never see again, or in his case, a mother he’d never seen outside of paintings.

  “But if you want to read something else…”

  Fen studied her gaze. She was looking at him now and actually seemed interested in listening to him read. She just didn’t want him to read that book.

  “Well, would you like to go to the library to pick a book?”

  “No.” Her tone was tired and worn out as though she just didn’t want to get up and move.

  “Would you like me to just go get one?”

  “Maybe...”

  “All right, I’ll be right back then.” He set his c
up of tea down and stood. His feet felt weighted. to the spot, reluctant to leave her. The moment she was out of sight, the desire to return spurred him on. I wonder if everyone feels this need to not leave their mate’s side.

  33

  Arlen

  Arlen stretched after finishing his stack of papers, itching to break the silence. “I told you she was more mature than you thought she was.” Arlen couldn’t believe Rina had so thoroughly shut Farin up, even if only for a moment. Of course, he would never admit how much she’d surprised him too. That would take all the fun out of teasing Farin.

  “Yes, well...” He tapped the end of his pen on the paper before him before setting it down. “I’ve seen less break far older fae, but she definitely has the making of a leader with a bit of time.”

  Arlen grumbled at that. He didn’t like the idea of her ruling. Sure, it afforded some privileges, but it also put a target on her back. Especially if she wanted to make changes, and he knew Rina and Fen would.

  “Don’t be like that. You know Trazar is making it so we don’t really have a choice.”

  “Doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

  “But it does mean you need to be on your best behavior, especially since I think you should be the one to ask Lord Engar and Airin to come. We’ll have the meeting at the palace, three days from now. Try not to be too snippy about Trazar being the one to hurt her. Actually, Ash will go with you. They know she can keep her opinion out of things, unlike you.”

  “I know how to keep my mouth shut.”

  “Yes. It’s when you open it that’s the problem, and you’ll be there to talk to them.” Farin stood and went to his desk, where he pulled out two pieces of paper.

  Arlen turned to stare at the map as Farin scratched words out onto the paper behind him. He hated planning, not because he couldn’t do it, but because Rye had always loved to do it. Farin had placed markers on the map, denoting where the mass of everyone’s forces were. Fire and Starlight had gathered their forces near their larger gateways. That meant they were preparing to portal their people back and forth.

  They shared a border with Starlight, but their palace was in the middle of their territory, nestled in the highest parts of the mountains. They were nearly as secluded here, surrounded by mountains, but they were closer to Sealar here, the Water Court being just to their East. It was clear Fire and Starlight were just waiting on their allies to decide what side they wanted to take. They’d need to gather their own forces soon or risk being unprepared.

  “Go let Dorn know that you’ll be gone for a bit and get Ash.”

  “Let me know what?” Dorn asked as he opened the hallway door.

  “Where’s Rina?”

  “In our sitting room, Fen is with her.”

  “Is it a good idea to leave them alone?” Arlen thought back to how reckless he and Dorn had been those first few weeks.

  They’d nearly gotten Dorn killed for binding themselves to one another before Lord Xen had disowned Dorn. Arlen didn’t know what he’d done if Rye and Farin hadn’t helped him get Dorn out. If Wafren hadn’t pieced Dorn back together and healed all those burns. Fire couldn’t burn a fire bearer, unless their lord willed it. Sometimes he could still see the way Dorn had laid broken and prone in the middle of his bedroom floor, left alone to die. He could still smell his mate’s burnt hair and flesh. Dorn’s emotions brushed up against his, warm and soothing, in a quiet plea for him to stop thinking of that day.

  “They’ll be fine. Rina’s in too much pain for Fen to try anything. He actually came up from the training fields because of it.”

  “Should I send for Wafren?” Farin asked.

  “No, I think it’s just the stress of everything that’s making her migraine worse. And the fact that she nods a lot. Rina knows Fen is her mate now.”

  “And?” Farin asked.

  “I don’t know. I don’t think she’s ever thought of being with someone, or of life past being there for her brother. She needs time, like we all knew she would. Of course, she also understands that the other Lords may not give her a choice, and no, I did not point that out, she did.”

  Arlen turned to watch Farin, to study his reaction. He was sitting back in his chair, debating if this changed anything.

  “Good. I was hoping she would understand that, it will make meeting the others easier.”

  “So, what did you want to tell me?” Dorn asked Arlen.

  Arlen stood and walked with Dorn down the hall. Farin would need some peace to write the letters to the other Lords.

  “I’ll be going to request Lord Engar and Airin’s presence.” Dorn raised a brow at him and Arlen couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Ash will be going with me.”

  “Good. Now, you should probably change and put boots on before you go.”

  “And here I thought I might get away with not putting them on all day.”

  “Careful, you’ll rub off on Fen.”

  Arlen laughed. It had taken years to get that boy to wear shoes when he was little. Even now he probably wouldn’t wear shoes if he could get by without them. They stopped at the open door to their rooms and found that Rina sat alone on the couch.

  “Where’s Fen?” Arlen asked.

  “He’s getting a book.”

  Arlen glanced at the book she held pressed to her chest. “And what—” Dorn cut him off with a squeeze of his shoulder.

  “That’s the one you found in the grove.” Dorn gave a slight shake of his head, a warning not to question Rina about it. “Now go get dressed.”

  “Where are you going?” Rina asked.

  “To talk with Lord Engar and Airin. Ash and I will be back before dinner.”

  “All right, just be careful.” She gave him a faint smile before taking a sip of her tea. He could feel her slight projection of exhaustion and pain, so he let her be and went to his room to change.

  34

  Rina

  Arlen left with a sword strapped across his back a moment before Fen returned. Dorn had teased her about getting ready so quickly, but Arlen was dressed in less time than it took to walk from one end of the house to the next. Granted, this house was anything but small.

  Fen seemed puzzled as he glanced over his shoulder, clearly out of the loop as to what was going on. Rina was tempted to tell him, but she knew he would worry. Of course, she would want him to tell her if the roles were reversed.

  “Do you know where he’s off to?” Fen asked.

  “To set up a meeting with a couple of the lords,” she pursed her lips, “the ones from Earth and Air. I can’t remember their names.”

  “Lord Engar and Airin. Do you know why?” Fen asked, then seemed to realize why she knew about the meeting. “They’re going to meet you.”

  “Yes. Farin and Arlen think it may be the only way to get them on our side.”

  Fen searched her face, as though he could see through to the fracture across the back of her skull.

  “It won’t be for a couple of days, I’ll be fine. Maybe by then I’ll have convinced myself to stop nodding.” She forced herself to give a tired smile and hoped it would ease his worries.

  “Hm, we’ll see about that.” Fen sat beside her, so close that they were almost touching.

  “So, what took you so long? Were you having problems choosing a book?” Rina teased. She wouldn’t have been able to choose one any quicker, there were just so many books in the library. Too many stories to be read and things to be learned.

  “Maybe,” Fen said with a cute little uptick to his tone. “I settled on an old favorite.”

  “Well, don’t just tell me about it, read it.” Rina gave him a playful nudge.

  “Hm, impatient much?” Fen raised his brows and watched her as he leaned forward, and took a very long, slow sip of his tea.

  Rina rolled her eyes and he finally settled back beside her and opened the book.

  She wasn’t sure how long Fen read, but the story was one that was vaguely familiar. Perhaps it’s one Mother told me from
memory. It was a story of love between a young lord and lady, tales of the gifts they gave each other. She liked listening to Fen read, his calm, almost purring tone drew her closer until she leaned against his shoulder, close enough that she could read along with him. He was describing a forest glade that glowed in the moonlight, one enchanted by the Lord of Moonlight, when Dorn appeared in the doorway.

  Dorn smiled faintly as he waited for her and Fen to look his way. “Dinner is ready. You feel up to sitting with everyone?”

  “Yes.” Rina lifted her cheek from Fen’s shoulder as she sat up and stretched her legs. She had sat curled up on the couch for far too long. It was time she got up and moved, got out of this room. She wouldn’t have minded sitting like that with Fen all afternoon, but her stomach growled its protest at the idea.

  Dorn nodded and continued down the hall. For a moment she wondered if Arlen was back, and then she realized she could feel him. She wondered when he had returned and if he had walked past while she sat leaning against Fen. She’d been so engrossed in the story that she’d forgotten about her surroundings, forgotten that she was inside, as though Fen had created them their own world with his words.

  “What do you think so far?” Fen stood and stretched, twisting himself around to loosen his back.

  “It’s familiar, but far better read than told from memory.”

  “I had a feeling you would know some of the story. I asked Lyra to read it to me so often when I was little that she probably could have read it in her sleep.”

  “Really?”

  “Yeah. I used to imagine that Morgona was my mother.”

  Rina nodded and cringed. She didn’t know what to say to Fen. At least with Tomilin she could at least tell him stories about mother. But with Fen, she didn’t even know his mother’s name.